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namely oral stimulation, into complete, fully realized acts of lovemaking—the She Comes First offers men and women a surefire “bird in the hand” approach to . SHE COMES FIRST the thinking man's guide to pleasuring a woman IAN . Can you say with complete confidence that you know how to locate the G-spot?. D. SHE COMES FIRST POP QUIZ Are you Sexually Cliterate? 11 Mistakes you make when trying to lose belly fat ◇◇◇ torwordvanquiding.cf . into complete, fully realized acts ofactivities; women mentioned over.


She Comes First Pdf Full

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Editorial Reviews. torwordvanquiding.cf Review. "When it comes to pleasuring women and conversing .. Give Her Multiple Big-O As Often As You Want: 87 Simple Tips & Tricks to Giving a Woman Full-Body, Mind-Blowing, Explosive Climax Again and. The title of this book, She Comes First Summary, is a pun. Now look back at the title and read the subtitle once again: “The Thinking Man's. To ask other readers questions about She Comes First, please sign up. In my experience girls don't feel the sex act is complete until they have been fucked well. Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman (Kerner) Download PDF EPUB eBook.

We have received numerous feedback from readers who tell us they have downloaded our Book Summary, and also decided to get, the full original book as well. And we encourage you to do so. The author of the book discusses an issue that many couples are aware of.

They wish that their sex life could be better. Or more specifically, many women are not satisfied. It kind of clearly tells you what it is all about.

If he makes more of a effort to please her, then the end results would be an enormous benefit for both of them. She C omes First shows him how to do it. This book is a great educational tool. It is an explicit guide to help men learn how to successfully give a woman an orgasm.

This book explores, and explains to him, how to be a better lover to her. So clearly men are the targeted audience. In describing sexual activities, principally cunnilingus, women were significantly more aware of the qualitative aspects, as well as the technical details, related to their sexual response.

While emphasizing the importance of personal experience in acquiring knowledge, women also confirmed that much of their information on sexuality came from friends and parents, as well as books, magazines, and the Internet. Men, on the other hand, were not as knowledgeable about sexuality, and tended to describe activities such as cunnilingus in more graphic, objectifying detail. So where is a guy to go when seeking specific, accurate information regarding how to stimulate the process of female sexual response?

Ironically, some of the guys I spoke with said that the television show Sex and the City — with its candid discussions of oral sex, orgasms, and other issues — was a principal source of information about women's sexual attitudes and desires.

Still others confided that reading magazines like Cosmo and Jane in private was illuminating, and that there was a quality of information that couldn't be found in men's magazines. One guy summed it up: They're more 'conquest-oriented' than advice-oriented, and they also focus a lot on gadgets, weight lifting, and getting ahead in your job.

When it comes to mastering the grammar of oral sex, we need more than just a handful of random tips gleaned from the latest copy of Maxim or Cosmo. She Comes First is that book. So whether you're just starting down the path of a cliterary life, or are already a bona fide member of the cliterati, get ready to learn the rules of grammar and to deploy them with style. I was hopeless, pathetic. Just the sight of a woman's naked body could make me lose control, and foreplay quickly led to end of play.

In the language of love, I couldn't get past the first syllable. He saw. And then he came again. That provided some small comfort, but at the time I felt terribly alone. Was it a vestigial remnant of the evolutionary battles of natural selection, when a man had to spread his seed quickly in order to ensure the propagation of his genetic material?

Would Charles Darwin have told me that what I considered a grievous weakness was, in fact, a competitive advantage in the struggle for the survival of the fittest? It doesn't take long for a young man to program himself to seek his pleasure quickly, and as we all know, bad habits are difficult to break. Perhaps if someone had told me early on to masturbate with a woman's orgasm in mind, rather than my own, I would have been spared years of turmoil. If I couldn't satisfy a woman with my penis, then I'd sure as hell satisfy her with my mouth!

I can still remember all the fears, preconceptions, and blunders of my early experiences in college. My first forays into cunnilingus were not unlike many men's — hesitant, tentative; going down here and there for a few licks.

I learned through trial and error, but eventually came to realize that cunnilingus was much more than just an arbitrary, or optional, aspect of foreplay; it was coreplay. It was an essential process — with a beginning, middle, and end — for leading a woman through the many stages of arousal that eventually culminate in climax.

Cunnilingus not only enabled me to pleasure a woman utterly and completely, it allowed me to stop worrying about sex and start enjoying it. In doing so, I was able to drop the anxiety, develop greater self-control, and become a better lover overall. Cunnilingus certainly saved my sex life, and when I think about all the depression and heartache I suffered as a result of my battles with PE, it's not so far off to say that it saved my entire life.

I'll never forget the first time I ushered a woman into orgasm with my tongue. It was a watershed moment. I felt as E. White did when, recalling his years as a young struggling writer in New York, he described how it felt to sit down for dinner at Child's restaurant on Fourteenth Street and, going through his mail, discover his first check for a magazine piece he had written: It was a good feeling and I enjoyed the meal.

More than that, I believe that cunnilingus is the most intimate, respectful, and rewarding sexual act a man can engage in.

Oral sex may be the most potent of sexual acts. It is an act of power derived from the most vulnerable kind of intimacy. But it wasn't until I met my wife that I found my Stradivarius — unique, beautiful, and priceless. If she is my violin, then I am her bow. I encourage you to find your Stradivarius. And when you do, protect, cherish, and remain constant to it, for then you will be able to play as a master.

As much as I will discuss general techniques for success, every woman is different, and cunnilingus is ultimately about individual acts of knowing and giving.

That's not to say you can't have a lot of fun casually, but such exploits are ultimately the pursuit of technique without a greater sense of purpose — pyrotechnics rather than real fireworks. Giving great head requires trusting the rhythm of what happens and relaxing into a deeper, more instinctive zone of the self. It involves a mutual process of letting go and connecting to each other on every level.

There's no faking it. You need to be more than just a technician. You need to imbue technique with all of your senses and imagination. Y ou need to be present, you need to be real; you need to be there in body, mind, and spirit. But there are a few hints that can be thrown out to advantage. When it comes to satisfying a woman, a little old-fashioned chivalry goes a long way. It's unfair. Men are designed for efficiency. And depending upon our age, this period could last anywhere from a couple of minutes to a couple of days.

The simple fact is that male orgasms come easy. Alfred C. Kinsey, famous for interviewing thousands about their sex lives, declared that 75 percent of men ejaculate within two minutes. But when it comes to the female orgasm, nothing's inevitable.

As Sally Tisdale wrote: Male sexuality seems different from mine fundamentally because nothing need be involved but the head and shaft of the penis, no other part of the body need be troubled, touched, undressed, or soiled. The female orgasm is a more complicated affair and often takes much longer to achieve during a session of sexual activity.

In particular, her first orgasm is the most difficult to accomplish, requiring persistent stimulation, concentration, and relaxation. Is it any surprise, then, that researchers from the University of Chicago declared in the 1 Sex in America Survey that men reach orgasm during intercourse far more consistently than do women, and that three fourths of men, but less than a third of women, always have orgasms.

Less than a third! That means more than two out of three women on average are consistently denied their climax — good reason to start hiding the cutlery. But also he easily retreats.

She Comes First

The female belongs to Yin. Yin's peculiarity is that she is slow to be aroused But also slow to be satiated. It's not a problem with the match, say many men, but rather that a woman's fuse is too long.

Perhaps, but then this raises the question how long is too long? Studies, like those by Kinsey and Masters and Johnson, have concluded that among women whose partners spent twenty-one minutes or longer on foreplay, only 7. That's a shift of tectonic proportions — from two out of three women not being able to reach climax to nine out of ten achieving satisfaction — all because of a matter of minutes.

Few, if any, of the world's problems can be solved with a mere twenty minutes of attention, and yet here, in the complex sociopolitical landscape of the bedroom, we have an opportunity to create bilateral satisfaction. When put that way, in the context of sexual peace and equality, is twenty minutes of focused attention, applied appropriately, really too much to ask, especially if it can save your sex life?

Take the path of the true gentleman: When she comes first, anxiety and pressure are dispensed with; you are emboldened, empowered to pursue with gusto the gratification that awaits you — a climax that will be heightened all the more for having been postponed.

I love to make my girlfriend come, I love to experience the whole thing — the buildup and release of waves of pleasure, the surrender to ecstasy, the spasm of satisfaction, the momentary loss of self. It turns me on even more to know I made it happen. Her Clitoris: There's more to the clitoris than meets the eye. Much more. As we will discuss, the head is just the tip of the iceberg, a tantalizing allusion to unseen wells of pleasure.

While there exists a contingent of traditionalists who maintain that the clitoris is composed of nothing more than the glans the head , there is also a more progressive and widely accepted view that builds on the research of pioneers like Masters and Johnson, Mary Jane Sherfey, and the Feminist Women's Health Centers among others.

This view espoused within these pages as well maintains that the clitoris is a complex organ system that is homologous to the male penis. A Fully Illustrated Guide, the Federation of Feminist Women's Health Centers identified eighteen structures in the clitoral network, some visible, some hidden. With more than eight thousand nerve fibers, the clitoris has more of these than any other part of the human body and interacts with the fifteen thousand nerve fibers that service the entire pelvic area.

This vast erogenous landscape literally throbs with potential pleasure.

Because it's all that and more. When engorged with blood during sexual arousal, the clitoris increases in size, just like a penis.

In fact, the clitoris was created from the same embryonic tissue as the penis, and can be compared point by point with the male genitalia. But knowing a little geography goes a long way. The earth isn't flat; nor is the clitoris a love button. Know your maps, and know that every voyage is unique. In a series of experiments, Dr. Kinsey asked five gynecologists to examine the genitals of almost nine hundred women in order to find out which areas were the most sensitive.

The superiority of the clitoris to the vagina in stimulating the process of female sexual response is enough to throw many a guy into a tailspin and make him question the very meaning of life, or at least the meaning of his penis.

But as difficult as it may be, it's important to separate the concept of procreation from pleasure: This sort of talk is none too popular, mainly because it challenges the very foundation upon which our society's conception of sex has been forged, and throws into doubt the value of intercourse as the principal paradigm for constructing a model of mutual pleasure.

From losing one's virginity to the consummation of a relationship to the cherished simultaneous orgasm, our culture has enshrined the role of genital penetration as the be-all, end-all of heterosexual relationships. The idea that genital penetration might be seriously over hyped is a bitter pill to swallow, especially for those men of the world who base much of their sexual self-esteem on the value of their penis in stimulating female pleasure.

Is it any wonder, then, that according to author Lou Paget the number one question sent in by female readers to the editors of Cosmopolitan magazine is: What can I do to have an orgasm during intercourse? Here's a simple answer: Don't have intercourse. Or at least make it part of a larger event and not the event itself.

The pill doesn't have to be bitter, and once swallowed, it can be incredibly liberating. When we know how to recognize and navigate the process of female sexual response, when we understand the role of the clitoris in stimulating that process, then sex becomes easier, simpler, and more rewarding, and we're impelled to create pleasure not just with our penises, but with our hands and mouths, bodies and minds.

In letting go of intercourse, we open ourselves up to new creative ways of experiencing pleasure, ways that may not strike us as inherently masculine, but ultimately allow us to be more of a man. Sex is no longer penis-dependent, and we can let go of the usual anxieties about size, stamina, and performance.

We are free to love with more of ourselves, with our entire self. The Female Orgasm: The clitoral orgasm is often criticized as being quick and lighthearted, while the others are somehow deemed more serious and substantial.

But a quick study of anatomy reveals that all orgasms are clitoral. The clitoris is the sexual epicenter, an orgasmic powerhouse in which no sensation goes unnoticed. In other words, the G-spot may be nothing more than the back end of the clitoris. So, in one sense, both the female and the male orgasm depend on the clitoris for stimulation. For those doubting Thomases who still can't let go of their vaginal attachment, consider that an estimated one in twelve thousand women suffers from an unusual congenital disorder called vaginal agenesis, in which they are literally bom without a vagina, despite normal development of external genitals, including major and minor labia.

While these women are often unable to become pregnant without surgery or intense medical therapy, they are, in fact, able to experience sexual pleasure and orgasm — because even though they may lack a vagina, they still have a fully functional clitoris.

Unfortunately, the same cannot be said of women who have been subjected to the brutalities of a clitoridectomy.

This painful mutilation, often referred to as female circumcision, is still practiced today in some cultures and almost always leaves the woman permanently disfigured, traumatized, and deprived of a clitoris and any chance of sexual enjoyment.

While it's possible to experience a clitoral orgasm without the presence of a vagina, it's virtually impossible to experience a vaginal or G-spot orgasm without the presence of a clitoris.

Download E-books She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman (Kerner) PDF

Entia non sunt multiplicanda necessitatem. In doing so, we reduce inconsistencies, ambiguities, and redundancies, as well as the likelihood of error. So there's no need to quibble over semantics when it comes to identifying orgasms. The clitoris encompasses them all. The tongue is far better used to produce orgasms than to waste time naming them. But because of its location, most sexual positions especially missionary-style do not properly stimulate the clitoris.

A woman's orgasm is complex and often elusive, and many men are unable to control their penises with enough precision to properly guide a woman through the stages of arousal. Making love with one's penis is like trying to write calligraphy with a thick Magic Marker.

The tongue, on the other hand, is under our direct control, has no time constraints, and can be manipulated with expert precision. Over and over again, we heard such things as 'oral sex is the only method that consistently enables my wife to reach orgasm' or 'if a man knows how to give outstanding oral sex, then a woman will reach orgasm every time. When using his tongue, a man doesn't have to worry about growing fatigued, nor does he need fret over premature ejaculation or impotence.

He can relax and enjoy the act of giving. The tongue, an array of muscles and nerves held together by a membrane covered with thousands of taste buds, is the most versatile sex organ we possess.

It's the only muscle in the body that's not attached at both ends. We can touch, taste, and lick with it. The tongue is the instrument that lets us speak many languages, foremost among them the language of love. But having the right tool is just a start; you need to know how to use it.

Many women complain woefully about men's oral techniques: And many men fail to finish what they started. In The Hite Report on Male Sexuality, the author observes that although most men enjoy cunnilingus, only a small minority of men continued to perform it until the woman reached orgasm. Most men consider cunnilingus an aspect of foreplay, an appetizer to be served before the main meal of genital intercourse. We need a category that is more encompassing and inclusive. We've had intercourse — lots of it — and think that Outercourse kicks its ass.

Better if men simply left their penis alone, stopped attending to those immature nerve fibers, and concentrated instead on learning how to orgasm through their tongues. It's not that the tongue is a replacement for the penis; if anything, it's an addition, an enhancement — an extension.

Men often joke of having two heads, the big and the little, and of their frequent battles with each other. However, during cunnilingus, if you trust the moment and let yourself go, you enter a zone where both your heads are united in a process of arousal that is synchronized with hers.

You become one with yourself and her. In this bizarre world, men are selected as mates based not on their proficiency to wield a spear or look good in a tux, but on their ability to consistently lead a woman to climax; only those men who are able to experience their pleasure as part of a woman's find themselves accepted by society. The rest are ostracized, cast out, banished to the margin. Sounds strange, like the makings of a Margaret Atwood novel or an X-rated episode of The Twilight Zone, but in fact, up through the eighteenth century, scientists, doctors, and philosophers believed that the female orgasm was an integral component of reproduction.

Galen proclaimed that a woman could not get pregnant unless she had an orgasm. We tend to take it for granted that our society defines sex as a linear process that includes foreplay, vaginal penetration, and the male orgasm. The male orgasm presages the denouement of the sex act, regardless of where a woman is in the process of sexual response and irrespective of her innate biological capacity to experience multiple orgasms. The male orgasm is the signifying event that defines what comes before, as well as after.

The male orgasm is indispensable and highly valued by society, not so the females. What happened? As long as the one-sex view prevailed, the capacity for female pleasure was understood, if not always respected. What men are habitually, women are only exceptionally. Medical illustrations became increasingly more simplistic, leaving parts of the clitoris unlabelled. By Victorian times, the orgasm, which was previously accepted as a natural component of women's sexual repertoire, was seen as unnecessary, unseemly, and perhaps even unhealthy for women.

What's particularly insidious is that at the time of his postulating Freud had a rather clear understanding of the anatomical role of the clitoris and chose instead to promote his personal ideas about female sexuality over current scientific knowledge. In short, he abused the bully pulpit. Female masturbation was criticized as creating clitoral With the change to femininity the clitoris should wholly, or in part, hand over its sensitivity and at the same time its importance to the vagina.

Freud, New Introductory Lectures on Psychoanalysis dependency; oral sex was verboten. In Freud's view, there were no two ways about it: Hence, a woman's sexuality became subsumed by a male's.

From there, it was all downhill. It was as if, for most of the twentieth century, women's extensive genital anatomy, and even the explosive little glans, was vaporized. Memory of the clitoris gradually faded until it became an anatomical nonentity. Mary Jane Sherfey, who pioneered the idea that the clitoris is a powerful organ system. But knowledge is only powerful when disseminated and put into practice.

Men need to take the time to learn what most women know intuitively about their bodies — how to listen to and feel them — and sex needs to be redefined as an activity that accommodates a wide variety of sensual and erotic activities; including, but by no means limited to, genital intercourse.

In both philosophy and practice, any definition of sex must, first and foremost, include a powerful element of respect. The practice depends on both women's and men's recognition and respect of this power. Edwardes and R. She knew that sex and power were inexorably linked, and she When my husband gives me head, it's such a powerful tum-on No joke. Old paintings depict the beautiful, powerful empress standing and holding her ornate robe open while a high nobleman or diplomat is shown kneeling before her, applying his lips and tongue to her royal mound.

What's in a Name? Well gone are the days of kings and queens and royal decrees, but inside many a modem woman is an Empress Wu Hu, longing to be honored by her nobleman. Most men can more easily identify what's under the hood of a car than what's under the hood of a clitoris. Even though the genitals of both men and women are formed from the same embryonic material, and develop during gestation in an equivalent manner, the penis grows out, while much of the clitoris grows in.

Interestingly, Oliver Wendell Holmes remarked that the female genitalia were simply those of the male turned inside out. But on the contrary, modem science teaches us that the male is a modified female, differentiated during the first trimester of pregnancy.

So if anything, the male genitalia are a mirror image of the female's rather than vice versa. What's in a name? But they're the right words, in that they're scientifically accurate and properly descriptive. And knowing the right words is a powerful starting point for clearly understanding the process of sexual response and, ultimately, developing an erotic lexicon that is unique and true to the spirit of your individual relationship.

I say it because we haven't come up with a word that is more inclusive, that really describes the entire area and all its parts. Ensler is right: The words you choose to use in your bedroom are your own business; supplying you with accurate knowledge is this book's business. Now You See It: Based on years of research and self-examination, FFWHC has redefined much of what had been previously held to be true about the nature of female sexuality.

Interestingly, the principal function of pubic hair is to attract and retain odors that stem from the release of glands in the pubic area and serve as a source of arousal.

As Napoleon noted in a love letter to Josephine: The Labia Majora. Heading south from the mons pubis, we next encounter the starting point of the labia majora major lips. The outer sides of the labia majora, also known as the outer lips, are rich with pubic hair, whereas their inner sides are smooth, lined with oil and sweat glands.

Beneath the skin of the outer lips is a network of erectile tissue that engorges with blood during arousal. The outer lips are analogous to the male scrotum, and both were formed from the same embryonic tissue. Although sensitive to touch, the outer lips are not nearly as sensitive as the labia minora small lips or other parts of the clitoral network such as the head and shaft.

The Front Commissure. The outer lips mark an area where the visible parts of the clitoris begin. This highly sensitive area, just above the clitoral head, is called the front commissure, and it's from this point that the clitoral shaft — an unseen, but instrumental part of the clitoris — protrudes.

The Labia Minora. Enfolded within the labia majora are the labia minora little lips , although many insist that it's more apt to refer to both sets of lips respectively as outer and inner, rather than big and little, since the inner lips sometimes protrude out and beyond the outer lips.

Interestingly, the inner lips are also archaically known Some anthropologists speculate that a woman's use of lipstick stems from her desire to have the visible upper lips resemble the inner hidden lips below — a signal to the opposite sex that she is sexually ready.

Like the inner side of the labia majora, these smaller, inner lips have no hair, but are layered with oil glands that look and feel like tiny bumps. Dense with nerves, the inner lips are extremely sensitive and play an important role in the process of arousal. The inner lips are remarkably diverse in size and appearance. From woman to woman, and often on the same woman, no two lips are the same.

Some lips are narrow; others wide; some curl inward, others flare outward. Sometimes the texture is glossy and smooth, sometimes wrinkled and bumpy. During the process of arousal, the inner lips change color, from light pink to darker hues, and swell and puff in size as they engorge with blood.

The Hood. The outer edges of the inner lips meet just above the sensitive clitoral head to form the well-known protective hood which is analogous to the foreskin of the penis , also known as the prepuce. The friction created when the clitoral hood rubs against the head is a powerful source of stimulation and pleasure. The hood also protects the head from overstimulation; just prior to the release of orgasm, it's into the folds of the hood that the head seeks refuge.

The Frenulum. Below the head, the inner edges of the labia minora meet to form the frenulum, a small expanse of soft, sensitive skin, also known as the bridle. Like the inner lips, this area is rich in nerve fibers and is extremely sensitive to the touch. The Fourchette. The bottom edges of the lips meet beneath the vaginal entrance in an area known as the fourchette, or little fork, dust as the front commisure marks the top part of the visible clitoris, the fourchette marks the bottom.

The Clitoral Gians the head. Protected by the hood of the inner lips, he head is the crown jewel that rests atop the unseen shaft and crura the legs. One of the biggest mistakes a lover can make is to underestimate the sensitivity of the clitoral head.

In fact, at the peak of sexual arousal, the head becomes so sensitive that, with a little help from the suspensory ligament an unseen part of the of the clitoris , it retracts beneath its hood and is often hidden at the moment of climax. Some heads are large; others are small. Size varies greatly, just as it does with the male penis. But regardless of size and shape, all contain the same number of nerve endings, so clitoral dimensions have no impact on a woman's sensitivity.

Beneath the skin of the perineum is a network of blood vessels and tissue, which fill with blood during arousal and become intensely sensitive. Now You Don't: Y ou need to rely on all of your senses, especially touch. In their book A New View of a Woman's Body, the Feminist Center for Health identified eighteen parts in the clitoral network, many of which are unseen but are nonetheless felt or contribute to the experience of feeling.

Let's review the internal parts of the clitoris: The Clitoral Body. Attached to the head, and running just beneath the surface of the skin, the clitoral shaft can easily be felt, especially when aroused and filled with blood. A soft little pipe, the shaft is composed of spongy erectile tissue that is extremely receptive to sensation. The shaft extends north from the head toward the mons pubis for about three quarters of an inch before forking and dividing like a wishbone into two thin crura or legs that flare downward along the path of the inner lips and surround twin bulbs of erectile tissue, known as the clitoral bulbs.

If you've ever noticed that the clitoral head seems to retract and disappear under its protective hood during peak arousal, that's because the suspensory ligament — attached to the head at one end and the ovaries at the other — is being stretched, causing the head to retract. Additionally, the clitoris has layers of muscle, usually referred to as vaginal muscles or pelvic floor muscles. There is the oval-shaped bulbocavernous muscle that rests between the inner lips and the bulbs of the clitoris.

This muscle is interwoven with muscle that encircles the anus, and is part of the reason that anal stimulation is often a tum-on and hence part of the clitoral network. Underneath it all is a broad, flat layer of muscle called the pubococcygeus pew-bo-cok-SIH-gee-us or PC muscle. Arnold Kegel who observed that the PC muscle contracts during orgasm.

Starting at the urethral opening, and running about two inches deep to the bladder, is the urethra, which first and foremost enables the removal of urine. Surrounding the urethra is a ring of spongy erectile tissue, known as coipus spongiosum, which fills with blood luring arousal and protects the urethra from the friction of penetration. This area of spongy tissue is also known as the much-ballyhooed G-spot, named in after Dr.

While sensitive to stimulation, but without nearly as many nerve endings as the clitoral head, the G-spot generally responds to a more persistent, massaging pressure. It's not uncommon for a woman to feel a fleeting urge to urinate when this area is stimulated.

A whole lot of fuss has been made over the difference between a clitoral orgasm and a G-spot orgasm, with many claiming that the latter is responsible for the production of the fuller vaginal orgasm.

John Perry. In retrospect, it's possible to argue that all their book ultimately accomplished was to reintroduce a spruced-up, hyped-up theory of vaginal orgasm into the mainstream, with the added bonus of female ejaculation. Is that revolutionary, or just plain reactionary? As we discussed earlier, the whole idea of a mature vaginal orgasm vs. And although the urethral sponge is indeed attached to the vaginal ceiling, it is nevertheless considered an integral part of the clitoral network and not a separate part of the vagina that produces pleasure.

A G- spot orgasm, like all female orgasms, is a clitoral orgasm; it's part of the same pleasure network. Does a woman actually ' ejaculate? In general, female ejaculation appears to be the exception rather than the rule. Today, a whole industry has emerged around the concept, pitching a vast array of hooks, tapes, videos, and seminars that urge women to discover and master their ejaculatory potential.

But amid all the snake oil, it's worth keeping in mind that the orgasm reflex is part of the autonomic nervous system — it's an involuntary response outside of the control of the mind. Where does female ejaculate come from? Depends on what type of emission you're talking about. The type of fluid that sometimes gets released as part of the natural involuntary orgasmic reflex appears to originate in the area of spongy tissue that surrounds the urethra and encompasses tiny para-urethral glands.

Two of the largest of these glands are called Skene's glands and appear near the urethral opening.

Some studies have argued that the fluid produced by these glands is actually urine. Upon analysis, however, it's been concluded that these glands, in fact, produce a clear alkaline fluid that is much closer in composition to male prostatic fluid, and gives rise to the even more controversial notion of the existence of a female prostate.

However, the fluid that is reputed to gush when consciously impelled by the bearing down of the pelvic muscles may very well be coming from the bladder and thereby contain urine. Women who train themselves to consciously ejaculate also appear to produce more fluid than women who emit fluid involuntarily, lending further credence to the idea that urine may be contributing to the overall volume of ejaculate.

What's interesting as well is that interviews with women who are able to voluntarily ejaculate reveal that the process is independent of sexual arousal and does not necessarily heighten the pleasure of orgasm, whereas women who involuntarily ejaculate are unable to parse the experience of orgasm and ejaculation and often don't even know that they've ejaculated.

All in all, it does not appear that ejaculation, voluntary or involuntary, does much to enhance the pleasure of orgasm, lb that end, a woman's time would be better spent on Kegel exercises and the strengthening of the pelvic floor muscles — an exercise known to increase the quality of orgasmic contractions.

How Wet Is Wet? In a nonaroused state, the vagina is a compressed tube, about three to four inches long, composed of muscle, and lined with mucous membranes not dissimilar to the lining of the mouth. Just below the vaginal opening are the ducts that connect to the vulvovaginal glands, which secrete a few drops of thick fluid that contribute, along with the sweating of the vagina, to the lubrication of the vaginal opening.

As we will discuss in the section on foreplay, lubrication is a big part of the arousal process, but is by no means an unequivocal indicator that a woman's been amply stimulated.

She may be lubricated, but not necessarily aroused. These secretions are part of the vagina's natural way of keeping it free of bacteria that don't belong there. Conversely, a woman may be highly aroused, yet not necessarily well lubricated. In short, a woman's ability to lubricate can be impacted by a variety of factors — her estrogen levels, diet, and stress to name a few.

And while lubrication is connected to the process of arousal and plays an important role in subsequent sexual activity, assessing her readiness depends on a variety of factors and is ultimately more art than science. Now that we've met the various parts of the clitoral network — both visible and hidden — let's take a closer look at how they interact and come together in the process of sexual response. Again we take our cue from Strunk and White: Here's an abridged version.

Don't let the list overwhelm you; in Part II, we'll take a much closer look at the important hot-spots, one by one, and soon they'll be right on the tip of your tongue. The front commissure the point where the outer lips meet at the base of the mons pubis. The glans head. The inner lips, or labia minora. The clitoral hood. The frenulum the point where the outer edges of the inner lips meet just below the head.

The fourchette the point where the inner lips meet beneath the vaginal opening. The hymen, or its remnants, visible just inside the vaginal opening. The clitoral shaft, which connects the head and the legs.

The legs, or crura, two elongated bodies of erectile tissue, shaped like a wishbone. The bulbs, two large bodies of spongy erectile tissue. The urethral sponge, or G-spot attached to the vaginal ceiling. The para-urethral glands: The vulvovaginal glands, which produce a small amount of lubricant outside of the vagina.

The perineal sponge, a dense network of blood vessels that lies underneath the perineum. The pelvic floor muscles. The suspensory ligament and round ligament. The blood vessels, which increase blood supply to the pelvic area during arousal and engorge the erectile tissues, causing them to swell.

Like a great work of dramatic literature, there's a structure to the process of arousal; a narrative that encompasses a beginning, middle, and end, with each element taking its natural place in the overall sequence of events.

The parts of the clitoral network that we met in the preceding chapters are like actors in a drama that interact and make their entrances and exits according to the cues of the larger script. Aristotle emphasized the importance of plot: Most important of all is the structure of the incidents. If any one of them is displaced or removed, the whole will be disjointed and disturbed.

Masters and Johnson broke down the process of sexual response into four stages: Excitement, Plateau, Orgasm, and Resolution. With the application of steady, rhythmic stimulation, each phase builds upon the last in the creation and release of sexual tension.

With that in mind, let's move on to a synopsis of sexual response. Foreplay galvanizes the mind and body toward sexual response. Act II — Coreplay: As coreplay continues: During the process of arousal, erectile tissue engorges with blood, causing the clitoral head nearly to double in size. Finally, all the muscular tension that has been building explodes in orgasm — a series of quick, rhythmic contractions. In addition, the uterus contracts because of an influx of oxytocin.

The number of orgasmic contractions varies, anywhere from three to fifteen on average, although Masters and Johnson observed a woman who experienced a forty-three-second orgasm consisting of more than twenty-five successive contractions.

Additionally, it's been observed that pregnant women sometimes experience prolonged orgasms because of the persistent engorgement of their genitals. While the orgasm originates from the genital area, it is often experienced and felt throughout the body.

Every woman's orgasm is different and highly individualized. Well, part of what it feels like is this, that you're just a drop of oil on a white tablecloth, just a tiny, still drop of oil, and then in a flash you're expanding outward in every direction, evenly, turning into a stain, a little drop expanding into a bright stain that covers the universe, the process of that, the expanding.

T here we have it in a nutshell: Even though the structure is universal, every story is unique. How it plays out has everything to do with the characters involved. Sometimes the story might unfold in a matter of minutes; other times it may take hours. The Return to Balance After orgasm is the resolution phase, a return to calm and the prearoused state.

Men and women differ strikingly in this phase, with the former losing their erections quickly and entering into what's known as a refractory period, an interval of time that needs to pass before he can get an erection again.

With women, it takes longer for the genitals to return to their normal state, at least five to ten minutes. Women tend not to get sleepy, their genitals don't become hypersensitive except the clitoral head , and they don't experience a refractory period — with a little stimulation they're ready to begin the process all over again. YES, both men and women appear on balance to enjoy giving and receiving respectively, BUT not, it seems, without reservation.

As noted in the Hite Report on Male Sexuality, almost half of all men who said they enjoyed cunnilingus were nonetheless preoccupied with issues of cleanliness and hygiene; and closely associated with those concerns were comments that women's genitals smelled bad.

A smaller percentage of men did not share these concerns, and an even smaller group of aficionados claimed to love the taste and smell. But such enthusiasts are in the minority.

Rare is the man who can share Napoleon's steadfast ardor in savoring a woman's cassolette the French word for perfume box and used colloquially to describe a woman's unique scent; the sum total Don't wash, I'm coming home!

And cunnilingus, with its elimination of distance and its unavoidable intimacy, is often a lightning rod for unleashing anxiety. All this fuss and hullabaloo over hygiene; and yet, in reality, a woman's genitals are a self-cleaning system — more sanitary than many other parts of the body, including the mouth. One of the reasons a woman is often lubricated, even when she's not aroused, is that these secretions are part of the vagina's natural way of keeping it bacteria-free.

As science writer Natalie Angier has written: Sure, the traditional concept of a vagina is 'It's a swamp down there! It's been said that a woman's genitals are as clean as a fresh carton of yogurt, and this comparison is often made because the kind of bacteria found in yogurt, lactobacilli, are also found in a woman's vaginal secretions. In fact, if symbiosis is compromised and unhealthy, anaerobic bacteria gain an advantage, eating yogurt can often help to stave off infection and restore balance.

If there is a bad smell in the genital area, the first thing worth paying attention to is personal hygiene. Later, in Part II, we'll discuss how to eroticize these activities and incorporate hygiene into the excitement.

However, if personal hygiene has been attended to, and an off- putting odor still persists, it's probably time to go to the doctor: This, according to Natalie Angier, is where the comparison to fish often comes into play, as these microbes produce trimethylamine, the same substance that gives day-old fish its odor.

Gertrude Stein, a cunnilinguist in her own right, may have been mistaken: Some women are bom with imbalances, and might have a predisposition toward vaginosis and a stronger odor. In addition to eating yogurt, there are also antibiotic treatments that can help restore balance.

Every woman smells and tastes different. Some are sweeter than others, some are a bit more pungent, still others are more neutral and nondescript. Sometimes the differences are subtle, other times they're stark. Nor will the same woman always consistently smell or taste the same.

Lots of factors can affect smell and taste, including: Unprotected sex can also affect a woman's smell, in that sperm is highly alkaline and raises the pH level of the vaginal ecosystem.

It's contagious, if not downright viral. Know that a healthy vagina is a clean vagina. Don't let your anxiety trigger a vicious cycle; instead transform that nervous energy into enthusiasm. Enjoy and savor her unique cassolette — now there's an idea worth raising a glass to and toasting!

A Question on Scent Question: Before we broke up, I had never had any problem with her smell when I went down on her; to be honest I never even noticed it. But then, seven months later, we got back together and I noticed a distinct difference. She was more Eventually her smell returned to normal, but what happened?

Could she have had an infection? According to science writer Natalie Angier, a woman can contract vaginosis an infection that affects her scent from engaging in unprotected sex.

As it turns out, sperm is highly alkaline, more than any other body fluid. When introduced during unprotected sex, this causes the overall pH level of the vagina to rise, and briefly allows unhealthy bacteria to gain advantage. Usually the body quickly readjusts to normal levels, especially when the sperm is familiar, as it is when two partners are committed to each other and monogamous. But if a woman has unprotected sex with one or more new partners, the body may not be able to restore balance as quickly as possible as a result of immunological factors.

So in some sense, smell may be indicative of promiscuity, and is probably why the Kamasutra describes licentious women as smelling like fish.

This is the vagina that sings; this is the vagina with a bouquet. We've Come a Long Way. It was definitely not a casual activity, and was usually thought to be something that occurred after a couple was already having intercourse in a committed relationship. So much for the Roaring Twenties. Sounds more like the Boring Twenties. Attitudes began to ease a bit in the s and s, with studies showing that oral sex was becoming more prevalent and better known as a technique that was especially satisfying for women.

Even so, in a Kinsey Report, only 3 percent of younger women who were still virgins reported ever receiving cunnilingus. The rate was substantially higher among married women. During the sexual revolution of the s and s, oral sex evolved into an acceptable practice for all couples, whether or not they were married. It became particularly popular on college campuses, and maybe that's why to this day, according to the authors of Sex in America: Today, cunnilingus is considered to be an important part of the arousal process, with enlightened and sexually confident women insisting on quid pro quo — giving according to how they receive.

In examining contemporary sexual mores, the authors of the Sex in America Survey based on the National Health and Social Life Survey grouped their participants into three different categories: The traditionalists were those people who maintained that their religious beliefs always guided their sexual behavior and believed that homosexuality was wrong; they also believed in restrictions on abortion and did not condone premarital sex, teenage sex, or extramarital sex.

Relationalists believed that sex did not have to be reserved for marriage, but that it should be part of a loving relationship. They condoned premarital sex, but did not condone infidelity or sex without love.

Finally, the recreationalists did not believe that sex need have anything to do with love, and they also opposed laws that prohibited the sale of pornography. Based on these categories, If we look at the numbers in terms of age, Women and men aged eighteen to thirty-nine were most likely to include cunnilingus in their sex lives, with Conversely, for women aged forty to forty-four, the rate fell to So it would appear that the younger you are the more likely you are to have experienced cunnilingus, and the more likely you are to have experienced it earlier in your lifetime.

Having discovered it, they can't get enough. Happily, this adoption of cunnilingus as a regular part of sexual activity is not just a function of young women becoming more confident and assertive in their demand for a level playing field, but is also indicative of a shift in male attitudes. As men become more sensitive to the importance of the female orgasm, and recognize the unreliability of genital intercourse in achieving one, they increasingly incoiporate cunnilingus into their repertoire of sexual techniques.

If you think it all sounds too good to be true, you're right. AIDS, gonorrhea, syphilis, genital herpes, chlamydia, genital warts, and hepatitis. Men also need to worry about nongonococcal urethritis, whereas women should be more than a little concerned about pelvic inflammatory disease. Of these diseases, gonorrhea, syphilis, chlamydia, nongonococcal urethritis, and pelvic inflammatory disease are caused by the transmission of bacteria and can be cured with antibiotics if caught early enough; the rest are viral and without cure, although in some cases the symptoms are treatable.

These STDs are highly contagious and can be transmitted from vulva to mouth and vice versa. Vaginal secretions of women who are HIV positive have been found to contain small amounts of HIV with the amounts rising when she is menstruating , and HIV positive men can also transmit the virus via cuts in the mouth. But unprotected cunnilingus places you at greater risk for a far wider array of STDs. Of those participants surveyed in the NSHLS survey, one in six said they had had an STD at some point in their lives, with a significant percentage reporting having had one in the last year.

They were twice as likely as men to have had genital warts, and more than twice as likely to be infected with genital herpes. Overall, 18 percent of women and 16 percent of men have contracted one of the nine sexually transmitted diseases covered in the survey, with chlamydia and genital warts taking the top spots, displacing the formerly more common gonorrhea.

They have many sex partners. As the number of partners increases, so does the risk. With more than twenty partners, his risk is about 28 percent. The same rough pattern is true of women, with the spectrum of percentages increasing from 5 to 35 percent. It should therefore come as no surprise that the more partners a person has had, the more likely that he or she has engaged with those partners outside of a monogamous relationship, and that his or her partner falls into a similar pattern of promiscuity, thereby greatly increasing the risk of having come into contact with an STD.

As it turns out, promiscuity triggers a domino effect of risky behaviors: Make sure that it's part of your safe- sex routine. If you're engaging a new partner, communicate openly and candidly.

Be prepared to discuss your current sex partners, sexual history, risky behaviors, STD status, recent activities, and your approach to protection. Be aware that some STDs are asymptomatic and may flourish undetected; so if you find yourself caught up in the heat of the moment, think before engaging in unprotected cunnilingus.

Regardless of the reward, even the smallest act is not without risk. If you're uncertain or nervous, don't take the risk. It's not worth it, and if you don't want to avoid oral sex altogether, then at least take precautions through the use of barriers such as dental dams a thin strip of latex that is placed over the vulva as you apply cunnilingus , latex gloves, or finger cots individual plastic sheaths that workers in restaurants use to protect themselves from cuts.

All of these safe-sex accessories can typically be found in drugstores, and can also be ordered from specialty stores such as Good Vibrations or the Blowfish catalog. In a pinch, even a sheet of Saran Wrap will do; just make sure you're using the non-microwavable kind, as the microwavable sort isn't impervious to bacteria. If all this talk of protection sounds like a bummer, there is a silver lining: Later, we will specifically discuss techniques and routines that incoiporate safe-sex equipment into the process and do not diminish it.

The first step is to know what you need in terms of protection, and then know how to use it. During sexual activity, a condom is usually not far from reach, and may typically be introduced by either partner. While condoms are generally accepted and prevalent in their use, the same cannot be said of dental dams and the accessories that make for a safe session of cunnilingus.

Whereas a request to use a condom is SOP Standard Operating Procedure and these days doesn't make one think twice, the introduction of a dental dam is often attention grabbing and may be perceived as signaling the possibility of risk, as opposed to just playing it safe. Perhaps this is because condoms serve the double function of preventing both unwanted pregnancy and unwanted STDs, whereas dental dams only prevent the latter.

In short, condoms often embody positive attributes attentiveness and concern for safety , whereas a dental dam may evoke the negative perception of risk. Rare is the guy who's been carrying a dental dam around in his wallet for years, waiting for the opportunity to put it into use, and equally rare is the woman who's going to insist he use one.

“She Comes First Summary”

The truth is that women don't want a guy to use a dental dam because it diminishes the pleasure. So if you want to use one, you have to be proactive about it. Like the linking together of two power cables to create a single flow of electricity, your tongue against her vulva is the conjoining of thousands of nerve endings, the firing of neurons, the buzzing of receptors, the ultimate melding of body and soul in a pulse-pounding current. Such joys are ultimately experienced in a trusting, committed relationship.

In the depth of sexual passion the skin of the other has the quality of treasure; the mundane secretions our bodies make are honey, manna, light. To be cut off from each other's fluid is a terrible thing; our fluids are meant to mingle, we long for this mingling that is both so outrageous and pure. When approaching safe sex, keep in mind what Dr.

As we move forward into Part II and focus on specific oral techniques for success, think of Part I as a manifesto, a call to action that urges us first and foremost to: Even Karl Marx recognized that in order for words to become actions, the proper preconditions for success must be firmly in place.

In the cunnilinguist revolution, we cannot underestimate the insidious forces of fear, shame, and ignorance. A woman may be deeply conflicted when it comes to receiving cunnilingus and the experience may be fraught with anxiety.

Who knows for sure what emotional baggage she may carry? Take nothing for granted. There's an utter nakedness to cunnilingus, a vulnerability that we must respect and honor. She is exposing herself to be seen, smelled, tasted, and observed firsthand; she is permitting the exploration of a part of her body that she herself may find unfamiliar and mysterious.

She may think her vulva is ugly, unkempt, unpredictable in its secretions, odoriferous, and strange. She may insist on making love in the dark, literally and figuratively.

As cunnilinguists we need to be committed, steadfast, and confident in our resolve. If she senses that we're the least bit ambivalent, insincere, or impatient, then our efforts will be for naught.

Only by inspiring trust will you lull her into a deeper, more instinctive zone of the self, a place where she can shed all inhibition and surrender herself to the soft warm wetness of your tongue. To that end, the Three Assurances of the cunnilinguist manifesto are as follows: You want to savor every moment.

Communicate these Three Assurances physically and verbally; repeat them over and over, in every possible way; say them, show them: Be strong, be understanding.She Comes First: Publication Charges. Be aware that some STDs are asymptomatic and may flourish undetected; so if you find yourself caught up in the heat of the moment, think before engaging in unprotected cunnilingus.

The pill doesn't have to be bitter, and once swallowed, it can be incredibly liberating. From Library Journal.